I don't care for your sweet scent,

Well you drive me crazy half the time;

Seeing the sec 4s taking their results was one of the most nerve wrecking events of 2010, frankly I can say it’s a great strategic move on the part of the school. Making us see their joy and fear and laughter and immersing us in an atmosphere of unbridled anticipation and fear.

I left the hall dying to hit the books and study until I collapsed from fatigue it was that scary. I don’t wanna be there next year and close to suicide from knowing I’m about to dai and that life is going to end right here right now. Only 56 out of 397 pupils got 6 points which sounds impressive but for a SAP school is pathetic and for us all the more terrifying.

56 is roughly around 15%, and that’s in a cohort that’s larger than ours. With our 380 students, how many will get the 6 points? 50? 45? That’s less than two trip science classes put together and they are the ones dominating the academic stratosphere now. I’m this close to death and I’m running.

Must study damn hard. I’ve been thinking and thinking and dreaming and wanting these few days and I’ve come to the conclusion that “LIFE BEGINS AT 17″.

What it means is that I’m using this year as a preparation for when I enter J1, and yes definitely J1 I’m not even contemplating poly, not in the least!! Perhaps it’s the way I’ve been brought up, maybe it’s the pseudo Singaporean dream or whatever, but I’ve always known JC as the only choice and anyway I can’t go to poly, will be late for school everyday comatose-d in front of the wardrobe wondering what to wear!!

This year will be the beginning, the training ground or whatever, the time when I can make as many slip ups as I want and learn, all for prep for J1, when I can start anew again in a new school new environment whatever. But I need fucking solid O level results and that’s what’s escaping me, that’s what’s gonna kill me and my dreams and late night wondering.

Maybe I have it in me maybe I don’t. God knows and hard work tells all, will study really really hard from now on!! Cannot be bothered with all the petty trivial things, must work towards Change, we believe in.

I begun this year envisioning myself sprawled on some couch at Starbucks with a bunch of close friends studying but now I don’t care if I can ever achieve that, it doesn’t matter cos I know if I’m with friends I won’t concentrate, and I’m gonna do whatever it takes even if it means staying home almost every day.

This year started alright but then school came in and really messed it up for me. Hate the place hate everything about it if there weren’t some awesome people like… you guys know who you are, the ones who share with me and talk to me and make me laugh like hell. I just hate the atmosphere this year man, it’s not the pressure it’s like fatigue and tiredness and the I’m-sick-of-you-alr kind of vibe.

And plus I didn’t go to school with any sort of resolution, no pre-school-start shopping spree, no new books + stationary + resolutions or whatever, just going to school like the chore it is and trying to stay awake in lessons.

Can’t be bothered with everything now, must study like hell everything else can wait. All of you, all the relationships that need constant pruning and maintaining I will let go, the close friends that stay I will keep and the others I shove out the back door.

Today at PE we discussed who we shall vote for Prom King am extremely satisfied with my choice!! This is an extremely long rant, shall save this and in fact have written this to organize thoughts and start the new “LIFE BEGINS AT 17″ plan. With God’s strength and help.

And off the top of my head, things to do this year;

1. Lose 4 kg, <50kg here I come!!
2. Get into top 50 for NAPFA after 2 consecutive years of walking.
3. 6points!!
4. Sift thru friends and separate the soul mates from the shit holes.
5. Stop thinking about what to wear to church and actually go more often!!
6. Be more on time for church.
7. Stop caring about what he thinks.
8. Start caring more about what He thinks.
9. Keep walking past TJ for added motivation!!
10. Gather resources needed for smashing smexy J1 year!!
11. Do debate well, stop laughing and kidding around excessively in trainings and FOCUS MOREEEEE. STOP SINGING RANDOM TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS WITH MEL + YY + DEBO AS TEMPTING AS IT MAY BE.
12. Be a better, more empathetic friend.
13. Offer better, more sound advice.
14. Read darker, more matured novels and stay away from stupid chick flicks.
15. Remake wardrobe for a new year!!
16. Buy a planner.
17. Begin accumulation of stationary for J1 year – must all be super atas and ex and beautiful
18. Long hair long hair long hair
19. Find good food.
20. Keep thinking about grad trip for extra motivation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
21. GPA AWARD
22. Not to lose water bottle
23. Study study study
24. Stop spending so much money on food
25. Room makeover = Book shelf + Paint wall + Beanbag + etc.
26. LIFE BEGINS AT 17.

So God help me.

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